31st Dec 2015

The last day of the year is always a good day to blog. This year's been a good year, lesson wise. There's always a lesson in everything that happen. 

Finished up my list of lifetime goals few days back. Took me about 2hours on a very focused afternoon to finish, and Im not sure if I got them all. Grand total of 117 goals. Pretty sure I will be adding more... I divided them into 3 categories : Skill sets(21), Experiences / Achievements(51), Places to Go(45). Note that for places to go, one country is only listed once. 

Also, gonna be picking around 12 goals for each month of next year, which may or may not be from this list of life time goals. That's probably the part where it gets interesting. By giving myself some kind of a monthly deadline, shall see if Parkinson’s Law kicks in.

Jan : Two goals at one go, becos they are related and #50 is basically passive

(Item #48 under Experiences / Achievements) : 

Reduce items owned (Except for food items) to fit into my 24 inch luggage. 

Basically, it would meant that by end of Jan, my entire life should fit into a luggage which I can just check in and take off anywhere I want, literately living out of a suitcase. The rest of the stuff that I don't want/need to bring along when I travel but will need when Im not travelling, should fit into a box. Books will definitely go here. 

Obviously, it will exclude : desk, computer, bed, wardrobes and stuff that are not portable. Food, which obviously I'm not going to bring when I travel. And other necessities that I happen to have in excess at the moment. eg tissue paper / toothpaste / etc... 

(Item #50 under Experiences / Achievements) :

Not buying new clothes/ fashion items for a year (365days)

Exception : New shoes to replace worn out ones. My heels seem to get destroyed at an alarming rate. 

Feb (Item #49 under Experiences / Achievements) : 

Clear all photo backlogs of trips to date

This would comprise of : 

2012 : Japan

2013 : Arctic

2014 : South Korea

2015 : Taiwan(Jan, June), Vietnam

It's been.. at least 5yrs since I last had NO backlogs for my travel photos.

Mar

Time for a holiday. And create new photo backlogs again... (just kidding). 

Yet to decide where. But I love travelling in Mar. I'll probably pick one off my list of places to go.

April to Dec

Random mix of goals I would like to achieve, things that will probably take longer than 1mth to complete, and maybe things that can all be done at the same time. This list is still a works in progress. 

24th Dec 2015

It's Xmas Eve! One of my favourite days of the year :D

After a nice Xmas Eve lunch with the gals and some random window shopping in Orchard and a simple salad dinner, I headed home. Nothing exciting, just settle down on the bed, and watch a few episodes of Modern Family. Simply perfect. To be honest, I'm a really homely person, and dislike crowds. I can foresee myself staying home the next 2 days :D 

2015 had gone by in a flash, and 2016 is coming up really soon. 

Alot had happened this yr.

Rs wise, sure I had my heart broken, but Im not ready to admit that finding the one who is perfect for me, is never going to happen. I used to thk that my last ex was someone special, becos I used to think that it's so hard to fall for a person. Until I met someone else this yr, and fell for him. Too bad that did not work out. He wasn't right for me, and I cut the cord before anything started. But at least, I know that I can, and I will meet someone else I am going to like and will fall for. Life pretty much goes on regardless. If the door closes on one RS, just lock it, throw the damn key away and find another door. It's really that simple.

But at this point in time, I simply don't think I can give a RS my full attention, therefore I will not actively seek a RS. But if it's meant to be, Im sure it will find me, regardless. 

Going to be focusing my energy and time on other areas of my life. Money and health / wellbeing. After reading The 4-hour work week, quite a few things fall into place and a lot of thoughts are running around in my head : 
There's alot to do, even more not to do. Time really is a luxury. You only have one life. Why waste it living the same experience everyday of your life, when you could be living many different experiences over the span of your life? A job should be a life experience, not just something u do everyday to make ends meet. 

Looking forward to 2016.

3 Dec 2015

Its been a very busy Nov. Thinking, read, researching, trying out new strategies, methods. Constantly upgrading my "brain" in one way or the other.

Minimising the amount of stuff I own, almost every weekend and whenever Im free.

Drastically reducing the amount of clothes in my wardrobe is quite a challenge. Would you bother wearing clothes if they only look ok on you? Why not just stick to clothes that look great on you? If thats the case, why keep those clothes that are only "ok" on you? 

Problem: easier said than done.

Attempting to use up products I have is also a challenge. The amount of skincare, haircare, bodycare and "whatever-care" products I have on my table, is insane.

Exhausted from so much physical and mental activities, took a mini break from everything for a few days. Had some fun at Megazip Adventure Park. Levelled up my fearlessness for sure. Haha. 

Came upon this article last yr Nov : http://oliveremberton.com/2013/how-to-master-your-time/
And decided , I only had time for two things. I decided there and then, it was to be money and health.

And strangely, not long after, Love found me. Sort of.

And now it's time to choose again.

Life is a game, time to start leveling up your character properly.

I made a list of 101 Life Goals not long ago. Its still in progress. I thk I'm up to item 7x for the list. One of those things is to become a Hypnotist. I thk that shall be one of those things Im going to do for 2016. 

Currently reading The 4-Hour Work Week. Fast becoming my favourite book, almost impossible to put down. lol

6th Nov 2015

Onto my 3rd Chicken Soup for the soul book. First one was Chicken Soup for the Romantic Soul. The 2nd was Chicken Soup for the Soul, 20th Anniversary Edition. Now reading Chicken Soup for the Soul : Think Positive. And guess what? Realised quite a few stories, I've read them before on the internet / Facebook! Now I finally know their source... 

My 4th Chicken Soup for the Soul book is arriving soon. Along with 4 hour workweek. Can't wait...

After a few weeks of "intensive" cafe hopping, time to slow down on the sugary/gluten/ dairy stuff and start exploring places serving Organic food / raw food / Paleo food / Salad... Assembled quite a list today... 

First on my list, checked out The Lawn today, awesome food! I even get to eat chestnuts in my salad :D I almost did not want to go there becos of numerous bad reviews I saw on their Facebook page.. Glad I decided to just check them out anyway :D 

They just replaced Saladstop as my favourite Salad place :D

The only sinful thing I had today was a cup of milk tea. Still the only thing Im not willing to give up, unless Im going W30. Haha. 

Ended the day with my 2nd workout of the week and a Paleo Dinner from Caveman Food. 

Continue to work on my lists today. 101 Lifetime Goals, done till #72

I love the way my life is structured now. Plenty of reading, soul searching, programming my thoughts and life, working on myself internally. Not to mention good food and a realistic exercise routine. My attempts to minimise the items in my life is also going well. 

Last weekend, did a major "de-owning" session. This coming Sunday, gonna do another big session of "de-owning" and decluttering. 

Life is good, and getting better and better everyday ;)

18th Oct 2015

Finally getting back on track, the path I was supposed to be on, prior to getting into my last relationship. 

Not that Im blaming the Rs for bringing me off course. But I guess I put too much of myself into it, and ending up derailing myself. It wasn't the RS or the guy. I guess it was something that I thought I had to do to make the rs work.

Exercise routine is back on track after I pin point the reason for my procrastination.. After shifting my workout session to evenings, Im getting out of my house earlier and also jumping straight into my workout upon reaching home ;) 

Lovely, back to twice a week of weights and core exercises. ( I was randomly doing once a week, or even once every 2 weeks for a long time...) Next.. time to add back the HIIT sessions, which had been missing since.. I don't know! ><

In an attempt to actually get around to reading "The Success Principles", decided to divide it into bite size bits. Minimum of at least one 1 chapter a day, 64 chapters in total. The plan is to read it on the bus, on my way to work. Im up to chapter 3 today :D

Pondering how to reprogram my subconscious mind. I've heard so many motivational speakers mention that the subsconcious mind is the one that really controls everything. Really got to get to it. 

"Like an iceberg the conscious mind is just 1/6th and is seen above the water. While the unconscious mind is 5/6th and is not seen and needs to be reprogrammed."

Almost finished reading "Rejection Proof". I realised just how much of my life is structured around avoiding rejection at all cost. If I don't have a 101% chance of getting it, I probably won't do it. And I probably won't ask for something as well. Just how much have I missed in life becos of this fear?

Trying to make it a point of asking for things. Rejection is a myth. It's all in our mind. People simply take rejection too personally. Don't we all?

"When you asked and got rejected you are no worse than when you were before you asked because you didn’t have it in the first place before you asked." - Jack Canfield, The Success Principles

"Rejection is just an opinion, remember? It reflects them more than me, right? " - Jia Jiang, Rejection Proof

"Rejection is an experience that it is up to you to define. In other words, it means only what you choose it to mean." - Jia Jiang, Rejection Proof

A lot to ponder.

14th Oct 2015

So.. recently been trying to do some changes in my life. 

Minimalism. Need to implement minimalism, but this one is gonna take alot of work. Im still trying to schedule time to clear up all the stuff I dun need or love. I intend to just keep the things I need and love. Its amazing how much stuff can pile up... 

Procrastination. I realised I've been slacking around too much during my offdays. I might wake up early, but I can slack around for a few hours, and might not even be done with breakfast few hrs after waking up -_-

Usually, its becos I'm supposed to exercise, but I procrastinate. Well, I need to eat first. Then can only exercise one hr after. Usually, I watch drama while waiting for the one hr to pass, and end up dozing off O.O. Even if I did not doze off, I started feeling so lazy that my exercise timing drag until afternoon. 

Now I simply set my alarm for 7am everyday, without fail. Regardless of whether Im working or not. Then I just proceed with my usual workday routine on my offday. Wake up, shower, etc. Then I start to see my charts and prep for trading, and be done by 10+. Head out shortly after that for early lunch ;) Exercise gets scheduled to evenings, 6 or 7pm. So far so good :D

Diet. Trying to get a Paleo lunch during my offdays, as much as possible. If not possible, will try to eat less gluten / sugar / dairy. And try to squeeze in a smoothie :9 

Catching up on reading. Some fiction, mostly self enrichment books. 

And doing alot of thinking.

9th Oct 2015

In one of those moods where you have loads of stuff going thru your mind, so much that you can't and don't even know how to start processing or talking about them. 

Solitude is strangely comforting at this point in time. I just want to be left alone with my thoughts. 

Still trying to make my goals happen. Kept feeling so stuck. Thinking, is this really what I want?

If I really wanted it, why is it so hard to feel motivated?

I recalled this movie scene in Titanic, where Rose attempted to jump off the ship. 

"And all the while I feel like I'm standing in the middle of a crowded room, screaming at the top of my lungs, and no one even looks up."

Thats the kind of feeling Im feeling. 

Overwhelmed. 

Tired. 

If life is a puzzle, it felt like Im misplacing all the pieces in this puzzle of life. 

I hate the feeling I get when I caught myself wondering : Wtf am I doing? 

And then I do it again anyway the next time. ZZz.  

There are so many things I want to do, yet don't want to do. 

Bloody mid life crisis. Or maybe Im overdosing on Sugar. Haha. 

I think I need to go meditate or do a W30 or something. 

28th Sept 2015

Chanced upon Chicken Soup for the Romantic Soul the other day. Read the first story, and got hooked. It truly is Nourishment for the soul.

Another year older today. This morning, I received one of the most lovely bd present ever. When it comes to gifts, it's always the thoughts that count :)

My choice of activities today, all my favorite things to do. Browsing at Kino, random reading at the library, cafe hopping.

My choice of cafe today : Curious Palette. They have the prettiest pancake! 

16th Sept 2015

Hmm. Time flies. 12 more days to growing yet another yr older :/

Been a very busy Aug / Sept, doing the things that matters, the things I love. Checked out many new cafes. Going on dates, but not dating anyone exclusively yet ;) Once bitten, twice shy. 

The last relationship, made me aware of how deadly, following my heart exclusively and diving into a RS can be. 

Don't get me wrong, I still believe in love. Believe in the one meant for me. He may not be perfect, but he will be perfect for me, and me, perfect for him. The one who will willingly speak my love language, and me, his. 

However, this time, I will take more time to know a guy's dark side first before committing. Haha. Lesson learnt! :P

21st Aug 2015

Few days back, I suddenly realised my appetite's back. It went missing few mths ago, and I was worried I was getting some kind of eating disorder. Turns out, its probably just my emotional state. 

Few mths back, I was definitely in a bad place, emotionally. Who knew a bad RS could have this kind of impact? Definitely a lesson to be learnt there. Haha. 

Saw this 「我們不要王子，只想有個把我們當公主疼的人」。

So true. All we ever wanted, is to be treated like we are someone precious to the guy we're with. Perhaps you know you are with the wrong person, when even something simple like that, is too much to ask ;) Another lesson received. Hehe. 

Haven't found time to do my gratitude routine or Tony's hour of power. Damn it, I need to find time for it. Trading takes up too much time. Need to spend lesser time on it, either short trade which can be closed quickly or long TF trades which dun require much monitoring. Hmm. 

Seem to be making some progress in trading. The summer months are almost over as well. Hopefully Sept brings more $$$ :D

Still undecided where to go for my BD trip. Pondering a possible Yoga retreat... Its #56 on my Lifetime goal lists :D Or I could volunteer overseas, thats #20 on the list. Hmm. Options.. Options.. Options... ;)

15th Aug 2015

Recently, really busy. Got really interested in motivational stuff... LOA.. NLP.. Thking of taking some courses... Need to find the time for it... 

NLP is really interesting. All about been more observant, and "seeing" the language the other person speaks. Being more observant is definitely something I need to work on.

Reconnecting with old frens and meeting new interesting people. I used to have this limiting belief that there are no more good single guys around. Its so not true :P

Exploring new places, new food. Back to exploring new cafes, in new areas. I just realised how nice it is, to cafe hunt with people who love coffee like I do :P

Think I've put on some weight... Been eating too much good food!~ 

Need to find time for regular workout, and cooking Paleo.. As well as doing a W30 soon!

6th Aug 2015

So tired! Just back yesterday from a 10 days trip from Vietnam. Personally I thk I prefer Hanoi over HCM. Both cities had horrible and chaotic traffic. But I could still manage Hanoi. 

Food is great, alot of damn nice food. Haha. Cost of living is alot lower than Sg. I might just stay at Hanoi the next time I needed a city with low cost of living ;) Kept getting mistaken for a Vietnamese anyway :P

Sapa is pretty nice, but I dun really like the town. The rain also put a damper on everything. I guess I might go back again when its not rainy season. 

Back to reality. Back to being busy with charting, trading, decluttering, improving my state of being. 

Will re-start Tony's hour of power tomorrow. Have also started reading Jack Canfield's The Success Principles. 

Been doing some thinking the past month or so. I realised, that I might have possibly attracted my last BF into my life. Attracted in the context of LOA. 

If I did not recall wrongly, some time ago, I was bored and decided to make a list. A list of the qualities I wanted in a BF. Interestingly, my last BF probably had all the qualities I listed. Problem is, he also had the opposite of those characteristics I did not include in my list. 

Interesting. I should make a more complete list next time. 

Im also going to make my list of 101 goals to achieve before I die :D Time to grab a pen and paper ~

23rd July 2015

Discussing with my fren, about a drama....

Thoughts, post discussions...

There's probably no such thing as, someone who is easy to get along with.

There will definitely be differences in the parties involved, creating difficulties in every relationship, be it romantic, kinship or friendship.

Sometimes, giving in a little will make things better. It won't kill you, but you simply refuse to.

Ever wonder why? I think its simply ego ;)

Perhaps we should weigh how important is winning if it meant losing a relationship, losing a person, losing something important.

If winning comes at a price, are you sure you can afford to win?

Or even want to?

I used to be really stubborn when it comes to admitting I'm wrong, apologising when I'm wrong.

Thankfully, I'm a lot less stubborn now. Sometimes I would rather apologise to keep the peace, even if I dun thk it's solely or even mainly my fault.

In retrospect, it's usually worth it.

Perhaps another key to a successful relationship is to pick your fights. 

Not everything is worth fighting over. The next time when you get into a fight, kick ur ego to the curb. And ponder if its really worth fighting over. 

Note to Self : Fight clean. Never let a fight drag for more than a day. Never stonewall.

That being said, what if  you are always the one who do the giving in? 

My take on this, if you are with the right person, both with healthy attitude with regards to give and take, you shouldn't end up feeling taken for granted at the end of it. 

17th July 2015

“The turning point in the lives of those who succeed, usually comes at the moment of some crisis, through which they are introduced to their "other selves.” - Napoleon Hill

This is very true. Personally, for me my turning point was in 2009, when I encountered a crisis I never expected. From then on, I started to realise the importance of having money stashed away for emergencies. 

From then, I started to take trading, investing, passive income and accumulation of wealth for purpose of early retirement seriously. I could recall how determined I was. When you are determined enough, you will get what you want... 

Unfortunately, I got sidetracked after 2010. Haha. But 2009 and 2010 were two very good years, indeed. Financially. 

Now I looked back, and it felt quite stagnant since then, financially.. Time to focus on trading and pick up where I left off. 

I distinctively recalled the various instances whereby the power of determination gave me what I wanted. 

I needed to get back into that frame of mind. 

Perhaps the first step is finding out, my heart's true desire. 

This time, nothing is gonna sidetrack me. I will find my "other self" again. Nothing will stop me. 

14th July 2015

Addicted to watching 武媚娘传奇... Mostly, I find it a nice show, but today, these lines really touched me...

"我本来就不是温婉柔顺的女子
陛下既然选了我
就要包容我的全部，甚至是确点
例如，我很霸道，甚至还有其他
相依为命，本该如此
媚娘，有妻如你
我李治别无所求"

Later on, in the next episode, she even tested the emperor's medicine for him. Becos she said, she will not allow him to take any risks...

I thk this is how love should be. If you find yourself putting the other person before you, you're in love.

Even despite the fact that the last time I put someone before myself, all I did was get my heart broken... Still, I wouldn't settle for anything less.

I want someone who love me enough to put me before himself. And I will and want to do the same for him.

Anything less is settling.

Even though from time to time in life, we may have to settle sometimes. Love shouldn't and cannot be one of those things.

No offence but... Why the heck would you want to settle when it comes to that special someone you are going to spend the rest of your life with? ;)

11 July 2015

It's a crazy busy week! On course on Monday and Tuesday, worked from Wednesday to Friday. Super super busy and hectic. But its all worth it. Awesome week! Been so long since I felt so alive and motivated ;) Great course, learnt so much from it. I thk in this case : when the student is ready, the teacher appears ;) 

After being on the go for the past 5 days, decided to stay home today instead of heading out. Decided to process some photos from my Norway trip. Progressing well :D I might just be able to finish them before this year ends. Lol...

Nowadays I make it a point to switch off my phone during weekends. My phone's been off since morning :D But of course, Im connected on my PC la. 

Vietnam trip coming soon. Needed to get my Anti-Malaria pills, and also get my Typhoid shot. Probably won't be doing much travelling until end of the yr. Current focus is on my trading ;) Giving myself 3 months to test out my capability. If I can make it, it will be the last piece of puzzle I need. 

I started keeping a gratitude journal from Jul 1. Its amazing how many things u have to be thankful for when you actually take note of it. 

Im really grateful for the turns of events that led me to this current point in life. Life has never been better... And the best has yet to come!

"Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation."

26th June 2015

Saw this article (http://mothership.sg/2015/06/10-achievements-unlocked-when-you-were-growing-up-in-90s-spore/), and my mind went back so many yrs into my past. The rather carefree days back when I was still young.

I have done 9 of them, haha. 

Brings me back to the time when my BFF and I went Orchard for the first time, with her and another fren. Our mission was to buy a present for my crush. Pretty intimidating to go to Orchard for the first time, to be honest. haha. 

I was a very different gal growing up. I was painfully shy, and did not talk much to ppl. I simply assumed ppl do not wan to talk to me. No idea why I thought that... 

My self esteem was low, I had no confidence, I was afraid of many things. And definitely afraid to be embarassed. I recalled that day we went to Mos Burger for food, and I wasnt sure how to go about ordering, so I said I did not want to eat. 

I cannot imagine how much I've changed since then. 

Now, I just do whatever the hell I want. If im not sure how to order, I ask the person taking my order. Making it their problem, not mine.. lol. 

Nowadays, company is appreciated, but not required for me to enjoy any activity. Happy just to be spending time with one of my favourite gal, me :) This is a long way from the gal who didn't even like to eat alone and needed company for alot of things. 

And maybe that was why I always seem to have a BF in my life back then.. Was never single for long.. Possibly also becos it was easier to get over a breakup and also get into a new RS back then.. 

Had plenty of crushes growing up, serious ones, a few. At the point, you really thought you are in love, but its really just a crush. I met up with one of my most serious crush from time to time over the course of the past.. 15yrs? Definitely not feeling the love or anything, but it was nice to meet up and just chat abt the past and see how its going for him. 

And even though I was dying to date him back in secondary sch, would I date him now? No. Haha. Becos I simply dun thk we have a spark or anything at all.. 

Nevertheless, I really treasure those sweet memories I had back in the days... 

I guess its all part of growing up. You are stronger than you give urself credit for, and most of the time, the fear is just in your head ;) And I thk, it still applies now ;)

Die la. Sign of old age. Keeps reminiscing about the past. Damn. 

25th June 2015

Been a hectic two weeks or so. Finally, back home to familar grounds, feeling so much more grounded. 

The trip was a band aid, to be honest. But it helped alot. 

When a RS ends, both parties have to take some responsibilties. Looking back at my past RS, I would say I have done some of them wrong. Maybe I just didn't know what love was supposed to be. Maybe some of them were not meant to be. I could pinpoint what my fault was in all those failed RS, and quite a few were my fault. Even though, I wished it wasnt. 

If I had been this person I am now, when I dated them, the endings with some of them would have been alot different. 

Maybe it's the right person at the wrong time. Still its all in the past, and Im grateful to have them love me the way I probably did not deserve to be loved back then. At least, I guess I might have taught some of them what the wrong person is like. And probably helped them in their next RS :x

Hey, at least they are all happy now, I thk. I have nothing but well wishes for all of them. Even the ones who are real jerks and don't deserve it. Oops.

As for this RS that just ended, I won't blame myself for this. 

We were once happy, but somewhere along the line, he changed. Or maybe he just showed his true self and I refuse to see him for who he really is. To be honest, even though I have to take some responsibilties for this RS, the main reason why this one fail is not on me. And Im not about to claim credit where its not due ;) 

At some point, I really thought that if I compromised and made it to the point where we travel / live together, all these problems would no longer matter. Becos by then, time spent together is not an issue, neither are texting, phone calls, whatever. 

Ya, Im silly that way.

But I've learnt alot from this RS too. Horrible experience though. 

My limits, how much I can take, before I give up. Apparently, after I compromised too much and felt taken for granted, thats the point. If I had felt appreciated for my efforts, would I have still called it off? Maybe not. (At this point, my frens would probably start saying things like, I can't talk to you anymore. You are not thinking straight.)

Things I cannot tolerate in a BF. Someone who shuts down and go into silent mode when upset or angry for days or weeks? Hell no. 

About compromising in a Rs... When u truly loved, its simply something that you will do, willingly. When you loved someone, doing something big or small to make him/her happy, is really not a big deal, and its something you want to do. 

Anyway.. Moving on... 

Life is really too short to waste, thinking about things that no longer exist. 

Despite everything, it was a wonderful trip. I actually did Alishan and Penghu all by myself ;) I never wanted to do these two places, despite going to Tw many times, is becos they seem difficult to do alone. But what this trip taught me, you're tougher than you give urself credit for ;) And also.. most things are easier than you think :P

Hiking in Alishan, all by myself. Granted, it's very safe, but if I had slipped and fallen off somewhere, I could never be found. So ya, thats the danger part :P

Despite that, it was wonderful to hike there. Go imagine a nature walk, where you dun sweat... Becos its so cooling :D Air is so fresh, everywhere is so green and peaceful.. I don't mind doing that again in the future :P And I might possibly stay in the same Minsu I did this time round. 

My Minsu was near a trail, which I wanted to hike, but the day when I wanted to hike, it was really dark and misty.. The possibilty of slipping and falling off somewhere does not appeal to me.. So I skipped. 

Penghu is lovely. I almost went in Jan this yr, but there was no island hopping in winter.. Penghu is also crazy windy in Jan.. So i did not go in the end. Finally, I got a chance to go this time. 

First day, I spent my time walking around Magong City on foot. Ok, I can't cycle and I dun have a license.. hence, only walking for me. Its a big island to walk around on foot.. Haha.. 

Anyway... Chanced upon a Cat Theme Cafe, went in and found this old Taiwanese lady running the cafe. She was friendly and nice. Asked about me, was once again, amazed that Im here all alone and planning to go island hopping the next day. She was so worried about me getting left behind on one of the island alone that she started calling up someone she knew about the island hopping tours to guide me thru how those island hopping cruises works. Funny thing is, she thought I was Taiwanese.. Said my chinese sounded local. Local as in Penghu. Lol.. Fascinating, since thats the first time I was in Penghu :P

Second day, island hopping. Seriously, its crazy hot in June. And I mean crazy hot. To avoid getting sunburnt, I wore a jacket over my clothes, to protect my body when I went island hopping. And I wore sunblock all over me. Kept applying on my face everytime I get the chance. Sweating like mad -_-" I thk I used up half a bottle of my newly bought sunblock -_-

Other than me, the rest of the ppl on the island hopping cruise are all locals. They were friendly and certainly curious about me. Im the only one who came solo. Most of them came as couples or with families or friends. I stick with some of them, chatted with some of them. Very nice people :D

When they realised I was not a Taiwanese and actually came travelling here solo, they were so amazed :P Frankly, after so many people telling me how amazed they are that I managed to do all these places alone, Im really beginning to thk Im really amazing too :P

Taipei is nice and familar. I stayed near Songshan Airport area this round. Its an ok area to stay, but I thk I still prefer to stay near Taipei Main Stn area. 

Done with Taiwan for now. 4 trips so far, time to give other countries a chance :D

Next Stop, Vietnam ;) Looking forward to it!

17th June 2015

It's misty outside, I can see the mist entering my room thru the windows. 

Second day of my Taiwan trip. First day was really great, felt like it was a cure for my sadness. Today wasnt too bad either. Just two stupid breakdowns. Sunglasses are good for such instances. It felt like.. the trip is surpressing my sadness, not curing it. Thats why it randomly breaks out. Nevertheless, Im glad I came on the trip. 

Was up at 4am+, out the door by 4.45am to see the sunrise. My two cute escorts really made my day :D

Kinda tired of people asking me, wow, u came to Alishan alone? They must have thought Im super brave or a freak. Ah well. It actually wasnt too bad. Guess I will be getting the same thing in Penghu, the next two days as well... 

Emotionally, feeling alot calmer than 2 days back. To be honest, sometimes, I felt like if I could have just given in more, perhaps eventually he might realised just how much Im compromising, and actually appreciate me more. 

Unfortunately, that could possibly be the biggest mistake I made.

The more I compromises, the more I had to compromise.

The more I tolerated, and try not to take things to heart, the more "Stunts" I get. 

Sometimes the things he do, really amazes me. I have no idea how everyone's RS works, but I have dated enough, and actually do know enough ppl to know its not normal. 

In normal Rs, a person wakes up, the first person that came to their mind, the one he/she loves. Inevitably, u will wan to text them. Good morning or something, simply becos u misses them and you would like them to start the day thking abt you too. 

If you misses someone, u call / text them. If a guy goes MIA the entire day until evening without contact... Come on... Don't use busy as bullshit reason. You simply dun miss them enough to contact them. 

I've been told that normally a guy should be more forgiving and tolerant. In most cases that I know, the guy usually is the one who apologises more and give in more. At least if he values you enough, that is. 

Weekends are obviously reserved for your other half. Really amazing that such things actually need to be specified... I felt like I had to fight for even one day a week with my bf. 

After an argument, guys should never go MIA. It simply implies they don't care how its affecting their gf. Simple as that. 

Petty and insignificant? Not really. Everything that you do, implies how much you love or value the other person. Love is a verb, not noun, you show with actions, not words. 

If you don't even care to show u that you miss them or care how they felt due to your actions, how much do you really love? 

I changed and compromised so much for this RS. The stuff he said he cannot stand, fine, I try my best to change. Not that he has any idea how hard it is to supress being emo. Im female damn it. Im naturally emo! Yet, Im expected to accept him for who he is. 

I guess at some point, I realised that I compromised and changed for him, becos I loved him. And the reason that he was not willing to compromise for me, slapped me right in the face. 

I guess I was rudely awaken, when once again, I tried to get him to compromise on something simple as calling me when Im not working, instead of texting. Since we argue on text alot. And I got hit with a "bargain" term. 

At that moment, I could have easily compromised and all will be well. But it was not whether it was an easy compromise or not. 

It was becos I realised, no matter how much I do for him, he had already taken it all for granted. The imbalance in the relationship is already there. 

No matter what I compromise and change, all he will contribute to this rs, is his approval of whether I've changed. All the while, staying who he is, becos "no one should have to change" in a Rs. 

I guess I could take alot of things, like not texting often. Always busy. And I meant ALWAYS. If I din know better, he could be already attached or married since he is barely there. 

Im almost always the one breaking the silence in a cold war these days. Always the one trying to talk and solve the issue. 

Frankly, these werent the killers. They sux, but I can handle it, becos I believe, no matter what, he loves me. 

Probably the only thing keeping me going. 

Unfortunately, if I compromised so much becos I love him, and yet he wouldn't compromise for me. I already lost the only reason I had to keep it going. 

Perhaps he did love me. But I loved him more than I loved myself. And I can say the same thing for him too. He simply loved himself more than he will ever love me.

You can't force love. It simply either exist, or it dun. 

At the very least, Im glad I am capable of loving someone, learnt to compromise for the sake of love, and even putting him before me. Not to mention that my tolerance level is seriously high now. 

All I ever wanted was to feel loved. Simple things would have surfice, and made  me very happy. Yet, even though he knew what I needed, he wouldnt even lift a finger. 

Saying Im disappointed, is an understatement. That kind of pain, from knowing just how little he bothers abt your wellbeing, no words can describe. 

I did not end it becos I stopped loving him. I ended it becos I needed to love myself too and needed to stop breaking my own heart. 

14th June 2015

Taiwan trip is generally finalised for now. Did some last minute changes yesterday. Contemplating altering the last 3-4days of the trip to just cafe hopping in Taipei. Feeling exhausted. But I don't trust myself to slow down. Was thking of leaving my laptop at home, but I guess I better bring it if Im cafe hopping. 

Flying on Tues, AM. Heading to airport on Monday night. 

For the first time in my entire life, I can't really say Im looking forward to this trip. Given a choice, I might just prefer to just sleep at home the next week. 

There was no turning back when I started cancelling and rebooking stuff for the trip when I got home yesterday. I was so busy doing all these last nite, I did not have time to feel. All I felt was just numbness. A sense of finality. 

Few days ago, was still happily anticipating the trip with him. 

We finally ended yesterday, exactly 4mths. 

3 days before the trip we were supposed to take together. Next time I shouldn't go Taiwan when Im attached. Seems like everytime I go there, total of 4 times including this coming trip, I'm single. Haha. The first time I went Taiwan in 2006, I also went there not long after ending a RS. But the difference was, I wasn't heartbroken that time. 

We almost broke up 3mths into the RS, and at that point, I sank into depression for a few days. Everything seems to trigger my tears and I simply can't stop it. The only thing that pulled me out of that state was becos we decided to work on the RS, instead of ending it. 

It was alot better from then onwards, while we both tried our best to make it work. It was pretty blissful for awhile, actually. For awhile, I tot that maybe we could make it last. 

4mths may not have been a long time to be with someone. But in these 4mths, I had went thru many happy moments as well as heartbreaking ones. 

As I thk through my life, trying to recall how I felt in all my RS, I thk my happiest moments might have been with him. Problem is, he is also responsible for some of my most heartbreaking moments. An emotional rollercoaster, I would say. 

Given a choice, would I choose to be with someone who could make me extremely happy, as well as extremely sad, or would I rather be with someone who doesn't make me go thru the extreme highs and lows, and instead just make me "normally happy"? 

Given a choice to go back in time and re-do this again, would I still choose to be with him? 

Im not sure I can answer that. 

Did we make the right choice to give up when we did? Did we give up too early? Given time, could we have made it work? Could I have gotten used to his ways over time and not get affected so adversely, and love him just the way he is?

Why was it so hard to make the RS work, despite the intense feelings I have for him? Why did I have to fall so hard if he wasn't the one? 

Why? 

All I have are heartbreaking questions and no answers. 

When we first met, I tot he was the one I've been looking for. Even now, I still wished he is. 

I wonder what the hell went wrong. What changed?

Despite everything, I thk we did love each other. At the very least, I learnt to love someone, to truly care for someone. 

Would I ever want to fall for someone this hard again? 

The last time I was in a RS before this, I came out of it, so broken, it took me yrs to decide to try again. 

I'm not sure how long this one will take. How long will it take me to get over this fear of RS and forget abt the pain it inevitably brings and risk my heart again? 

Maybe 2mths, maybe 2yrs, maybe never. 

The fact that we had ended finally started to sink in this morning. Im still functional, still holding it there. As long as I dun let my myself slow down and let my thoughts drift to him. To us. 

27th May 2015

The other day, I realised this year would probably be the year I travelled the most. Already went on two trips to date, and have another two more scheduled. 3rd trip in June, 4th one in July. Contemplating the 5th one. Aurora in Sept is seriously tempting. So is spending 3 weeks in Norway. Have always wanted to go somewhere special in Sept to spend my special day. Christmas Market in Dec sounds really good too. I'm just not sure if I can make it there in December. 

Trip planning is tiring and tedious, I realised how much I disliked it. I used to love planning... Until the last trip to Arctic. The planning was so tedious, I got so tired of travelling, of planning that I only travelled once in 2014 and did not really crave more. 

Somehow, wanderlust got me again starting this year. The idea of living from place to place, and then taking my time to slowly explore the city and see how the locals live, really appealed to me. 

However, thats for later. Right now, I guess I can only travel when I can afford the time to. And trying to get my photos processed and uploaded as soon as possible. My 2012 Japan trip album is still in progress as of now :/ Luckily I did not take much photos for my 2014 and 2015 trips so far. With minimal processing, they might just get done soon. Soon.. meaning this year... I hope :x

Finally back to my exercise routine. Weights and core twice a week.  Yoga once a week. Still trying to fit in swimming. Haven't had time to schedule in my yearly healthscreen. Guess I should have just gone ahead and booked myself an appointment In April when I wanted to. After dragging for so long, it now simply feels like such a hassle to go. 

The past few days, I've been slacking since I did not have to work. Other than processing my photos, that is. 

On some level, snuggling in bed, watching tv shows / movies that I've watched previously, seemed a very acceptable way to spend my hours. 

Maybe its old age, or maybe I'm just too tired to explore new things. Since I already watched them, and loved them, I know it will be enjoyable. Why risk the familar for something u are not sure u will enjoy? This explains why Im re-watching shows I've already watched, when I have tonnes of new shows waiting for me to watch :x

I guess there is a time to try new things, and also a time to just enjoy what u do love in life, even if its something u've done / seen / eaten/ etc before. 

Been pondering my life choices. There will always be the choices u know is definitely right, the choices you know is definitely wrong, and the ones that are debatable. If only there is a way to know where your choices will ultimately lead u to. If it will all be worth it in the end. 

I wished I could make choices that I never have to question. If only life is that simple. 

Perhaps I'm not even sure what I really want out of life. Or maybe what I want now, is not what I will want 2yrs later. 5yrs later. 10yrs later. 

Perhaps I should really have a plan B. Maybe even plan C and Plan D. 

Or maybe I should just take off and wing it. 

3 weeks in Norway is looking really good. 3 months, even better ;)

8th May 2015 Friday

Sick for a few days, finally well enough to go out yesterday and enjoy myself. 

Had a wonderful one hour yoga session today. First yoga session in over a year. My last yoga class was in Jan 2014. A peaceful, and zen one hour. No messy thoughts. Just breathe in and out... Leave your thoughts outside the room... Just focus on breathing.. Be present.. 

I gotta get me more of that :D

I thk my sore throat's not too bad now, but my stupid stomach is acting weird. Oh boy, one after the other. But no worries, I'm really hard to kill ;) 

If I could drag myself to the doctor after more than 12hrs of pain and diarrhea from food poisoning, I can probably live through most things. A few yrs back, I thk it was Dec 2012. I had terrible stomach pain when I was about to go to bed one nite. Thoughout the nite, I was constantly in pain, and having diarrhea. Couldn't sleep. Thought about calling an ambulance. I made it till morning, fell asleep from sheer exhaustion. I was severely dehydrated and at the point of collapsing.. But strangely, no one living in the same house knew. Managed to drag myself to the doctor and got a jab. 

Most important take away from lying in bed, sick and miserable a few days ago : "At the end of the day, you only have yourself to fall back on, so it is exceedingly important to be able to handle things on your own."

I could never agreed that family is the most important part of your life and they will always be there for you. Likewise for all other relationships. I believe that for any relationships, kinship or otherwise, you should not automatically assume they will be there for you in your time of needs. Actions will speak louder than anything. 

I never relied on my family. Maybe becos it was never an option. 

My independence came from my upbringing. Not that I was given a choice really. If you want money, work for it. This is something imprinted in my mind even when I was little. Back in Primary sch, if I wanted money for toys or titbits, I would walk half an hour to school with my heavy school bag to save 25cents. Walk to and fro, save 50cents every school day. 

Many years ago, when I was in secondary school, there was once I was sick at home for 4days. Ya, I was damn stubborn, trying to let a fever go away on its own without taking panadol. I really really hated taking tablets. Its really disgusting -.- And I admit, I was stupid. 

Anyway, feverish and not much of an appetite for 4 days.. On the 4th day, I felt well enough to go out to get some lunch. I walked 5min to the coffeeshop to get food. Ended up, I fainted right in the middle of the road on the way back. Apparently, I had once again over-estimated how much I can take. Thankfully, there wasnt any vehicles at that time, and ppl in the coffeeshop saw me fainted and rush over to help me over to the police post right across the road. Think I must have scared the old lady who was trying to cross the road beside me half to death. >_<

Ambulance came, I fainted becos of low blood sugar. Asked if I wanted to be sent to the hospital to be put on drip. I declined. The first tot that came to mind was, who the heck was gonna pay for that.. Would probably get a scolding from my mum if she had to pay for that. 

Perhaps the saddest thing was, there wasnt anyone home, and back then, none of my family was contactable. I ended up sitting in the police post, with my lunch. No idea how long rested there. The police let me go home with the promise to call back to them when I reach home safely. Come to thk of it, how come the police did not send me home?! I live just one block away -.-

Anyway.. after that incident, my mum got herself a cellphone so she can be contacted should anything happen. I can't say she don't care for me. Just that I no longer feel that I can rely on her. 

Trusting someone to be there for you, is risky business until they earned it. With expectations, invariably comes disappointment. Perhaps its better to simply take a risk adverse approach, and stop expecting. 

Afterall, I have always been the only one that's always been there for me. Who else better to rely on than myself? ;) Not a pessimist, just a realist. Realists are happier ;)

Not that Im not grateful for people who have been there for me in my time of need. Im truly grateful for those who were there for me at one point or another. They have proven to me that some people can still be relied on. Just not everyone can be. 

Ultimately, I thk that most of the time, even though we probably could handle everything by ourselves, we just wished that someone would cared enough to want be there. 

15th April 2015

Been a few mths of trading. Still very unstable. Will have to see how it all goes. Have to stabilize it somehow. I have to.

Recently, a lot of tots running around in my mind all the time. So many things. It's exhausting. Thking is probably one of the most exhausting thing ever...

Sometimes you find urself in situations you cannot change. You feel trapped, cornered, frustrated.

I find myself not wanting to go out. Just waning to lie in bed all day n do nothing. Feeling drained.

And not knowing how to shake off that crappy mood.

At one point, I wondered if I'm depressed. But I don't think I'm there yet. But definitely stressed out.

Would be very nice... More than nice actually... to be able to just take off... To somewhere far far away...

25th Mar 2015

One of those weeks...

Stressed out and tired... Way too many thoughts abt life... Work... Am I wasting my time... How to get more money...

Needed happy thoughts so I would stop stressing... Started pulling happy thoughts from my memories and all the thoughts that came to mind were of only one person...

That time we had to take bus from jurong east becos of the train fault... I smiled becos at the point when I tot of this, I was sitting in the same seat on the bus as that time.

The thought that I've gotten so comfortable around him... That sometimes, I forgot to be my public self around him -_-

Wishing he was here instead of so far away... Wanted to leave him a message anyway, even if he might not get to see it until he gets connected to wifi... Maybe when he is back in Sg.

At this point, I realized that he had probably claimed a larger space in my heart than I tot he had...

Maybe there really is a law of attraction... Becos at that point he suddenly pop out in my fb messenger, after dropping off the face of the earth for two days without internet connection...

If this doesn't prove that law of attraction exist... I duno what will... :P

21st Mar 2015

I went to bed early last night. It had been an exhausting week and I didn't want to have a meltdown. 

Sometimes you don't even realised how exhausted you are until you finally hit bottom of the tank.

I guess I thought too highly of myself. Thking I could handle everything on my plate.

Feeling drained. Physically. Emotionally. 

Sleep. I missed you so much. 

One of those days where I just wanted to lie in bed. Doing nothing constructive or anything requiring any thking. I thk I doze off somewhere, while trying to quieten the thoughts in my mind... And realising that you can't simply blank out your thoughts.. You can only replace the thoughts you don't want, with something else as a distraction.

Lazy day, good day for watching sex and the city. Of the 4 of them, I see some of me in Charlotte, but mostly Carrie. I see her feeling insecure over the little things, which unfortunately meant alot to her, and very little to the man she is dating. 

Personally, I think that all women have simple wishes. They just wanted someone to love and to be loved in return. The way they needed to be loved. 

Did it ever occur to men that, if you do not love a person the way she needs to be loved, its only "love" to you, not her? 

I'm guessing not. 

Finding someone you can fall in love with is already hard enough. Finding that someone who feels the same, is even harder. And finding someone who is able and willing to love you the way you want to be loved? Well... 

Its bullshit when men say they don't want you to change for them. Obviously one party has to in a RS. Guess who?

Why is it always the women who have to change and not the men? Simply becos "You can't change a man"? Of course not. 

Women have to change themselves and adapt to the things men "can't" change. 

On the other hand, men always changes when it suits them. Most noticeably, are the things they do to get you. You would be lucky to even see a shred of those things left after being in a RS. Their reasoning? It's not "realistic" to do on a long term basis. 

And since when does showing someone how much you care and love them becomes something you can't do on a long term basis? 

If you love someone, why would it become a chore to do anything for them? 

Starting a RS is not hard. Maintaining one, is. 

Rs do not die of natural causes, ever. They die becos you stop doing things to keep it alive. 

Women do not overthink. Men underthink. 

4th March 2015

One of those days that started out really crappy. No thanks to spillover effects from various things yesterday.

Woke up too early. Again -_- this is really happening way too often.

But at least I got to work early ;)

I guess I almost drove my poor colleague sitting beside me nuts with my sighing. I do that a lot too these days. I wished I had realised earlier what all these meant.

The realisation that I had stopped prioritizing my needs hit me yesterday. What happened to all the things I need and love doing?

I haven't been remotely Paleo for a long time. My digestive system is definitely unhappy.

And I din even blink when I simply toss my meal prep plans on Sat which no one had been able to make me give it up previously.

No meal prep, meant no paleo. Sigh.

I haven't been clocking my twice a week weights. I probably randomly did it once or twice recently... The hell happened to Sat being my workout day?

Pretty sure I haven't done HIIT at all this one month.

I haven't even gone to a new cafe for a long time.

Or work seriously on my trading.

I had lost my focus on the things that were important to me.

I simply felt exhausted. What the hell happened to me? Why did I even let it happen?

In short, if you are not going to take care of your needs, no one else will.

You are the only one who truly have your best interest and will never ever hurt you. Everyone else will at some point hurt you, if you let them. It's all on you, since they can't hurt you without your permission.

If you want to be happy, don't give anyone or anything the power to affect how you feel.

I choose to be happy.

And yes, it turned out to be a fantastic day from the moment I choose to be happy ;) Even random people I met were very kind :)

Even the cats didn't bolt when they saw me today... Lol...

So yea.. Lovely day ^^v