Second day of my Taiwan trip. First day was really great, felt like it was a cure for my sadness. Today wasnt too bad either. Just two stupid breakdowns. Sunglasses are good for such instances. It felt like.. the trip is surpressing my sadness, not curing it. Thats why it randomly breaks out. Nevertheless, Im glad I came on the trip.
Was up at 4am+, out the door by 4.45am to see the sunrise. My two cute escorts really made my day :D
Kinda tired of people asking me, wow, u came to Alishan alone? They must have thought Im super brave or a freak. Ah well. It actually wasnt too bad. Guess I will be getting the same thing in Penghu, the next two days as well...
Emotionally, feeling alot calmer than 2 days back. To be honest, sometimes, I felt like if I could have just given in more, perhaps eventually he might realised just how much Im compromising, and actually appreciate me more.
Unfortunately, that could possibly be the biggest mistake I made.
The more I compromises, the more I had to compromise.
The more I tolerated, and try not to take things to heart, the more "Stunts" I get.
Sometimes the things he do, really amazes me. I have no idea how everyone's RS works, but I have dated enough, and actually do know enough ppl to know its not normal.
In normal Rs, a person wakes up, the first person that came to their mind, the one he/she loves. Inevitably, u will wan to text them. Good morning or something, simply becos u misses them and you would like them to start the day thking abt you too.
If you misses someone, u call / text them. If a guy goes MIA the entire day until evening without contact... Come on... Don't use busy as bullshit reason. You simply dun miss them enough to contact them.
I've been told that normally a guy should be more forgiving and tolerant. In most cases that I know, the guy usually is the one who apologises more and give in more. At least if he values you enough, that is.
Weekends are obviously reserved for your other half. Really amazing that such things actually need to be specified... I felt like I had to fight for even one day a week with my bf.
After an argument, guys should never go MIA. It simply implies they don't care how its affecting their gf. Simple as that.
Petty and insignificant? Not really. Everything that you do, implies how much you love or value the other person. Love is a verb, not noun, you show with actions, not words.
If you don't even care to show u that you miss them or care how they felt due to your actions, how much do you really love?
I changed and compromised so much for this RS. The stuff he said he cannot stand, fine, I try my best to change. Not that he has any idea how hard it is to supress being emo. Im female damn it. Im naturally emo! Yet, Im expected to accept him for who he is.
I guess at some point, I realised that I compromised and changed for him, becos I loved him. And the reason that he was not willing to compromise for me, slapped me right in the face.
I guess I was rudely awaken, when once again, I tried to get him to compromise on something simple as calling me when Im not working, instead of texting. Since we argue on text alot. And I got hit with a "bargain" term.
At that moment, I could have easily compromised and all will be well. But it was not whether it was an easy compromise or not.
It was becos I realised, no matter how much I do for him, he had already taken it all for granted. The imbalance in the relationship is already there.
No matter what I compromise and change, all he will contribute to this rs, is his approval of whether I've changed. All the while, staying who he is, becos "no one should have to change" in a Rs.
I guess I could take alot of things, like not texting often. Always busy. And I meant ALWAYS. If I din know better, he could be already attached or married since he is barely there.
Im almost always the one breaking the silence in a cold war these days. Always the one trying to talk and solve the issue.
Frankly, these werent the killers. They sux, but I can handle it, becos I believe, no matter what, he loves me.
Probably the only thing keeping me going.
Unfortunately, if I compromised so much becos I love him, and yet he wouldn't compromise for me. I already lost the only reason I had to keep it going.
Perhaps he did love me. But I loved him more than I loved myself. And I can say the same thing for him too. He simply loved himself more than he will ever love me.
You can't force love. It simply either exist, or it dun.
At the very least, Im glad I am capable of loving someone, learnt to compromise for the sake of love, and even putting him before me. Not to mention that my tolerance level is seriously high now.
All I ever wanted was to feel loved. Simple things would have surfice, and made me very happy. Yet, even though he knew what I needed, he wouldnt even lift a finger.
Saying Im disappointed, is an understatement. That kind of pain, from knowing just how little he bothers abt your wellbeing, no words can describe.
I did not end it becos I stopped loving him. I ended it becos I needed to love myself too and needed to stop breaking my own heart.
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